12th October 2009

If only I could live life like it was my last day, maybe then I'd discover what's missing in my life at the moment...

Exams are near, like very very near expecially since I havent really sat my ass down and focus on any subjects yet. I have slacked much this semester, there could be a few reasons why but Id like to put those aside in the mean time, however I can say that I enjoyed uni life most beginning with this sem so far. Its that time again where Ill tell myself to stop fooling around, come up with a study timetable, stick to it and prove that all the money invested in my studies at monash is valued.

Somebody, anybody, kick my ass hard enough until it leaves a print. I need the extra push!

Today was a weird day... I was feeling very tired til the point of no facial expression... my mood was not affected I probably just needed that kick again to get my energy circulating. However, something could have made my day should that event have occurred. It never did. It was one of those little details that I though would happen but arrgghh! hahaha. I realised that certain things have changed that's all.

When life takes a turn.

Im sure everyone has experienced times where they feel on top of the World and nothing could take them down. Then there are those less fortunate times when they feel they are at the deepest trenches of the ocean and still being shat on! Lets face it, happy go lucky doesn't really last too long kids, yup that's right. Life is like a business cycle whereby you'll have the boom followed by a downswing, trough and finally the recovery period. Im a science student and even I know that, how shitty can this get? Nah Im just using the cycle as an analogy. But one quite worrying fact I know is that the higher you climb, the harder you'll fall should you decide to trip. It applies to almost anything from a business to relationships, whatever it is... When you trip, you'll fall hard depending on how high you've climbed. The thing is, we dont just lose it all when it happens, that's why I mentioned "decide to trip". Because it is your loss of balance that determines the trip. I've also learned that fate does not control everything, it is a fact that most of the time the power of decision is within our own palms. Some of the things that could lead to a downfall are selfishness, greed, lust and ignorance. Sometimes things can change so quickly that it confuses you inside out. One moment you feel great and next you're wondering why you felt great...

Good news is that hey, why climb alllll the way to the top and risk falling hard? I always think that slow is steady and steady is progression. If you can build a foundation at every successful step, you could rise and risk a gentle fall or no fall at all right? Patience is platinum, a masterpiece can never be rushed and so does all the things that matters most to you.

Its the 21st of September 2009

Here I find myself, moodless to do anything that spells 'report, study or assignment' so instead I've decided to squeeze some spare brain juice on updating my blog. Hmm now what is there to write about? Nothing... nothing? Lets write about nothing...

"Nothing" according to BBC dictionary, is defined as an absence of things of a particular kind, for example objects, events, or ideas. It can also mean something or someone is very unimportant or uninteresting. You can also use nothing in front of an adjective, to refer to a situation, event, or activity and to say that it does not have a particular quality mentioned...

When we say nothing... What do we really mean by that? For example, when someone asks you what you're doing or why do you look troubled or what's on your mind? And you reply "nothing..." You're probably being dishonest most of the time. I admit that I do that at times especially when I feel lazy to explain. But most of the time we're actually thinking of something rather than plain nothing no? Give it a thought.

An interview with myself...

Its a beautiful but rainy saturday morning over here in KL and why I say its beautiful is because we wont have to open our windows to be greeted by the foul smell of haze anymore, or atlease I hope we dont have to. The rain fell in fine waves much like flour being sifted into a bowl but now it seems as though the clouds are constipated. The rain reminds me that there is always a period of downpour and that the sun will always shine after the rain, well atleast around the tropics.

So how am I doing at the moment?
Awesome! I've never felt better since a couple of months back.

But aren't I always filled with assignments, reports and quizzes, doesnt that interfere with my wellbeing?
It does. I do complain a lot but instead of moving my mouth so much on these issues, why not expand my energy on my phalanges, i mean fingers in settling them before due date. No matter how much uni shit is thrown at us, we always manage to overcome it, just have to cut on sleeping time no biggie...

Tell myself more on why I feel better than before.
Well... I just feel that my life is getting back on track, Im more focused on what Im going to achieve instead of what I havent achieved yet. Just recently I've been perturbed by my own thoughts about things but now Im reassured and determined to change. I've made a promise between myself and a special friend.

And who motivated me to change?
Who else but my bestie? Who has always been there to offer a shoulder and being so ever patient. I just want to use this space to remind her again how much I cherish her guidance, wisdom and honesty. Your undying patience has kept me on my feet. I know things got off to a rough start this sem but the tide is changing already, my word is real.

Any last words before I end my interview?
Erm... not really... I was supposed to finish up this last part by yesterday night latest but I forgot what I wanted to say. Plus a spontaneous plan came about so I was busy and too exhausted when I reached home. Overall, yesterday has got to be the best day of the semester although I did nothing productive but I suppose bonding with friends counts as productive. Semi formal dinner party at a fancy restaurant which we spent half the time taking photos and then an unplanned mini roadtrip in which we spent a quarter of time keeping warm. Though some plans didnt work out for our little adventure roadtrip like stargazing or watching the 'sky turn brighter' and some parts frustrating like the colony of dudes up there (seriously all the guys in Malaysia is hiding up there), ultimately I had fun =)

What the past has to offer...

Some look into the past with a smile on their face. Some laugh thinking back to those golden days. Some feel embarassed. Some keep a straight face. Some are haunted by depression... Whatever the expressions may be, one thing is for sure, there is no escaping the past. Everybody has heard of the phrase "forgive and forget", but the truth is, there's forgiveness but actually memory cannot be erased. And this haunts even the toughest hearts of men and women. Lets say there's nothing to forgive about since you've done absolutely nothing wrong in your life at the moment, ever heard of the phrase "the past shapes the future"? Well that is my emphasis in this post.

It could be anything you've done in the past, or anything that has occurred to you, the keyword here is experience. We learn from experiences dont we? Lets say there's something in the past you would never ever ever want to ever think of ever again (ie. forget about), how are you possibly going to ever move forward from there? My point is, you will never be able to take an agressive and confident step forward should you have never looked and thought back about your past. Because, when the situation arises again (any situation) and you feel like you're retracing your previous footsteps, think of it this way, you're more well prepared for it now than the last time (more experienced) and THAT is your advantage. You'll know exactly what to do and you'll do it right this time.

So next time when someone tells you, that there's no point looking back, just keep looking forward and move on with your life, you take a gooooooooooooooood look back first, take some time (or a long time) to process ALL the things you should and shouldn't do next time before moving along. Scars remind us that the past is real, so if you dont look back before taking a new step forward, you'll be walking along the same pathway that was paved by your past.