I never realized semester holidays were actually so short!

Guess who's back?! Yeah you guessed right, who else? So im back from sabah for holidays, 1 step out of the plane and woah you could tell the difference between kl and there. Well what can i say, it was a familiar smell, the smell of home! Was very happy to be back, and slightly upset thinking back at the days in sabah, watching the sunset on the second last day in particular. Whatever it is, i had fun. From the mountain peak of South East Asia, to the tip of Borneo, to some gigantic river in the mountains, to the liquor and beer in a friends house, it was purely great. The ONLY thing i wasnt happy about upon arriving back at home is that i lost a kg. WTF is this! All that hard work over a few months got me demotivated and the feeling of accomplishing nothing aka back to square 1. Not to say i was freaking buffed before the trip but i noticed upon taking off me shirt on the beach which was the second last day and oh my goodness, why are my ribs so prominent? i never gave it much of a thought but when i weighed myself back at home, 1 kg down. oh well i guess im starting all over again...

Oh, that BIG smile on my face?

For the first time, im not by my backyard expressing my thoughts... Making this a contradictory post as i am thinking with dudes sitting next to me, minding their own business on a sat night/sun morning in a CC. I have a load of things on my mind to convert into text that'll last forever. Problem is whether i can recall everything from weeks and weeks ago...

Lets begin with an interesting, short and yet very meaningful lecture by my bro. Everything quoted here aren't my thoughts, so ill try my best to recall accurately what he said.

They say that you're more creative when you're young, you wont think twice or trice before deciding to do something or rather, anything (at least the only thing i ever thought of is whether my parent would beat me up as a consequence.... nah who cares). Then when you grow up, your knowledge develops and you think and think and think and think before doing something so simple for example, eating a bar of choc before going to bed. So why does this dramatic change occur? No, its not puberty... Its education. The thing is, education or education in malaysia, stresses students to think in a single file and only in a single file. If not then in two ways only. This loss of brain stimulation indeed takes its toll on producing youthful and lively minds. Which brings me to the next point, as most people who are so called matured at the age of 18 think this, "We stop playing when we grow older". But for the rest of us who are still young at heart, "We grow older when we stop playing!!!"

Moving on to relationships...

You see... the world is changing. I sense the evidence in this, because coming across many female friends and personal observations, the roles of females and males are evolving. In this sense, evolving simply refers to the change of duties in which traditional females and males carried out. For example, girls dont do much cooking anymore, rather, they would want a guy who can cook for them in the future. My mom and im sure most moms tell their son(s) that they're going to have a hard time in the future with an ever demanding girlfriend or wife. So i replied, "society is changing, if guys cant adapt, give in to the changes and work on a compromise basis, then may the best man win". Feel free to disagree with me on this. Because im on the side of being more sensitive to these changes.

And on other stuffs...

I've been wanting to shake off something that has been constantly disturbing me since about a couple of weeks ago. Ever felt a feeling so genuine, so real, but know that the result will only turn out to be an illusion? What is this feeling? I don't want to admit knowing and wished it never occured. Is it normal for something like this to happen? because for certain reasons, i wouldn't want history to repeat itself. But if history has a chance to repeat itself, why not make it as righteous as possible? That kept me hanging on the line, only trouble is, well, its an illusion and will probably never come true.

And more stuffs...

nah.. its late, better head home and hit the sack. Until next time, cheers!

Its a beautiful life...

4 weeks til exams begin... no hurry right? Especially when we still have a report due on the week before exams. Bloody hell...

I have a new guideline to my life. It seems very clear to me at this point in time that my life revolves around alphabets. They are NP, P, C, D and HD. Okay minus the last one cuz im not capable of reaching that level. Ya i know its so sad... ahahahaah.. psycho.

its not just 1 but 2 subjects affected...

Ever had the feeling of bursting out but just dont have time to? That's what i feel at the moment. My chest is so heavy with disappointment. Reality hit me once before and once more today. So its just studies why am i sulking away? You wont understand...

Just cant find the energy to put more effort in my work than anybody else... fucking retarded! fucking stupid.

What I'm Thinking of by the backyard at this moment...

Put a bullet through my brain. Send me to the clouds where we can dance on the soft white floors beneath us... No need to worry as there's no weight on our shoulders...

I need something to fucking punch!!! Arrgh! Where's my dog?!!